An Officer and a Gentleman, Izit

I promised in an earlier blog (top rated man, many followers) that I would tell you more about my Technical Adviser: the very upstanding Captain Bernie Winters. This is him:

Don’t let that military bearing fool you – he’s soft like a puppy man. Lekker.

Anyhow, this guy goes all over the shop on a Triumph Bonneville with a side car! Crazy man. Three wheels means he can enter icy winter rallies and make skid marks willy nilly – must be a military thing.

Well, I gave him black coffee and he unloaded on me. He gave me the benefit of his experience and I lapped it up, making great sounds of encouragement as well as copious notes for later enjoyment! I tell you I was exhausted by the time he’d finished with me but man it was well worth it. I’d do it again. Maybe two more times.

I won’t go into every detail but here are some of my most favourite bits:

• Solo riding (less common in the military apparently, but that’s what I’ll be doing) can be a bit freaky at first but after a day or you can really settle into your stride and relax. He didn’t actually say “akuna matata” but I’m pretty sure he was thinking it.
• Set goals: this is really about have specific places in mind as destinations before hand to really make sure you make good progress. Specifically, and I think this is a really brilliant tip, find places that people will recognise when you get back. That way, when your pal says “where’d you go?” you can say more than “well I went down some really twisty lovely roads and that in France like”. No – that would be rubbish. In fact he even showed me some great goals to go for:
  • Agincourt  – well, we’re English and going to France. Brilliant. It’s really close to Calais.
  • Bayeux – the tapestry/rug. Well, we’re English and going to France!
  • The tomb of Richard the Lionheart! Now that is exciting and being English and in France it would definitely be uplifting.
  • The Millau bridge…. look it up man, amazing!
  • And the Pont du Gard – the Millau bridge of the Romans….
  • Then I added a couple of my own:
    • Turin – the Fiat factory roof car track where dear departed Michael Caine in his Mini Cooper outsmarted the Italian coppers. I love the old Italian Job film – well, I’m English and by then I will be in Italy!
    • Of course, Bernie added that the Turin Shroud is also kept here, coincidence eh?
    • Carcassonne would be good to see again (I’ve been there before and my wife watched me enjoy a large pork sausage with beans. Cassoulet I think it’s called. mmmmm. Well, when in France…
    • The Alps – of course. Going to Turin I could return via the Alps but get there via…
    • The French Riviera coast road! A bit of Nice, Cannes, St Tropez and that. And I discovered that there’s a thing called:
    • The Napoleon Route. Nothing to do with triple flavoured ice cream (you’re thinking of Metropolitan), this is the famous return route for Nappy when he landed near Cannes and rode up to Grenoble on elephants I think.
    • I would also like to poke around the WWI sites up in the North; maybe some Normandy landing beaches too.
  • All the above are exciting but not everyone can be a winner.

• Evening Routine: this I liked. He said find a pub in the evening, get yourself a beer and lay your maps out and plan or review your route and goals for the following day; scout around on the internet and book your next place to stay. Do this every night. The French might take an interest and talk to you – but he told me not to let that put me off.
• Kit: he gave me loads of great ideas for the stuff I should have with me; to build a check list and most importantly to lay it all out when I’ve got it and take a picture of it. I’ll do that and share it with you, dear reader, later. Really great kit items that I wouldn’t have thought of:
  • A steel security net that goes over your big sack. Well I will be in France.
  • Teeny-tiny petrol cans. Reminds me of Optimus Prime’s balls.

Anyway, suffice to say that Captain Winters delivered a service above and beyond the call of duty. He is much more than an officer.