Strange Attractors – Return of the Crack

 

Once again I find that events in my own life are somehow intertwined with the international political stage. In a kind of action-at-a-distance or the much discredited “trickle-down effect” (sounds dirty, I know – in fact it is) the path of events that unfold before me seem to mysteriously define and be defined by globally significant developments. As if somehow a hurricane tearing through the creole arsehole of America sets the wings of a butterfly flapping in the sleepy suburb of St Anns.

For instance, in the early hours of yesterday, emerging from the bathroom after a particularly productive and robust de-weighting, I discover that  many miles away another Trump had been an integral part of de-weighting in the Middle East in what might be best described as an act of mutual masturbation between him and the everlasting Putin. This has been going on for quite sometime, prolonged only by the timely appearances of Mrs May, acting like a graphite rod amongst the almost-but-not-quite concluding  uranium fuel rods of shrieking from the sweaty and intertwined Trump-Putin chimera – but now it would seem they might finally be reaching their respective climaxes. Incidentally, the Trump-Putin near-sexual exploits have been one of the few episodes of political interchange where the protagonists were crying out for the assistive interventions of ex-president Berlusconi who, was hoped, could pop up like a plastic Ken Doll version of  Rasputin in the Russian court to hurry things along to their sticky ending.

Anyway – back to the point of the story – the free choice and insecurity-driven decision arrived at by a small number of genetically challenged Sons (and Daughters) of Thatcher, subsequently enshrined in a non-transparent, divisive and coercive, undemocratic tipping point, meant that I have been fired again.

Yes, I am making the transition through a hard exit and into a brave new world of limitless opportunity.

You spotted it –  as above, this is a mirror of that world-shaking event of Brexit, a globally significant transition replicated in (causing or caused by – who can tell?) my own life chances. The only difference being that the rest of the world has some sympathy for my position and I do actually have specific ambitions beyond using the “push to exit” bar on the door.

All of my new ambitions and opportunities involve innovation and invention (some include a highly competent heating engineer and some include a tree-fixated elderly gentleman) but there is one that stands out as being half way relevant to the stories enshrined in this informative collection of narratives – Archie Crack is back and he’s going to be opening a Bikers’ Shack!

Yes, the Return of the Crack is not just literally a new chapter but figuratively it represents not only a new chapter but perhaps a whole new paradigm: one in which the world perceives the bikers’ cafe like never before.

To be specific – and in case you hadn’t worked it out – I am going to open the world’s first, and best, coffee house and refectory specifically conceived and designed for all* two-wheeled adventurers .

I intend to document my journey that starts here, as I push that exit bar and walk through, and start the long walk to freedom that I suspect really shouldn’t have to take 27 years or so of island recreation and contemplation if one really applies oneself.

Get ready for an eagerly anticipated set of new instalments that will tell the tale and set the scene for the momentous opening – #metoo.

*Vegans need not apply – other fussy eaters may be tolerated, but don’t try to make it a religious thing – don’t get me started on that.